Baby Seats Don't Suck That Much Maybe
by Candy Crackpot
Summary: Allen always hated being so short, but maybe it can have sweet consequences. Oneshot.


Title: Baby Seats Don't Suck That Much Maybe

Summary: Allen always hated being so short, but maybe it can have sweet consequences.

Characters: Allen Walker, Road Kamelot, Tyki Mikk, Wisely, Cross Marian

Pairing: AllenXRoad

Rated: T to be safe

Warnings: cursing, dark humor

†††

Allen Walker was a normally cheerful and optimistic young teenager.

But at times like this, he hated life.

"Oh Allen~," Cross Marian's disturbingly cheery voice sang. Allen shuddered in revulsion. "It's time we leave for school~"

_Good Lord, just end me._

With sluggish movements, Allen placed his lunch within his backpack and dragged himself over to his widely grinning guardian.

_And him while you're at it._

"Now, don't make that face," the man chided him, wagging his index finger at him for emphasis, "I'm taking you to school."

Allen just sighed, knowing full well that he couldn't dodge this. He had to sit in Cross's beloved car.

He stopped by the doorway, glancing up hopefully that maybe this was the fateful day he would be finally freed from his curse. He sighed defeated seeing that bothersome centimetre between him and that bloody line that marked 150 cm.

With a devilish smirk, Cross walked up to the backdoor and opened it to Allen to once again face the everyday horror he was forced to endure.

A bloody _child seat_.

The reason why he was forced to go through 4 of the 5 stages of mourning on loop every. Day.

"Come now, hop in, you don't want to be late, do you?"

God must be hating him.

Sitting in was already a struggle as it was. After all, these seats were designed for small children, not short teenagers. But since his growth spurt refused to kick in even though he just turned 15, he was to remain a "Beansprout" as Kanda and Lavi who adopted the nickname called him oh so lovingly.

He fidgeted around until he found a comfortable position and endured Cross's humming as he fastened his seat belts. One day, one day he will be free of this blasted prison.

Once he was properly tucked in, Cross closed the door beside him and opened his own by the driver's seat. He checked the mirrors and fastened his own belt. His eyes met Allen's in the rearwindow's one. Then he laughed. Laughter exploded from him, instead of halted rather encouraged by Allen's bitter glare.

Starting the engine, Cross set off, continuing to howl in laughter at Allen's bitter expression. How he managed to drive them while looking at Allen in the mirror the whole time without causing any accident was a mystery Allen has yet to solve.

With each day, Cross laughed more and more and with each day Allen grew resentful more and more. Borderline murderous wouldn't even be an understatement at this point, he really wished Cross would choke on his spit and drove the car into a pole or something so he would fucking shut the hell up already and Allen didn't have to stand his bullshit anymore.

Alas, fate wasn't kind enough to grant him such wish and instead laughed along as he suffered.

_Someone… anyone… be it the Devil…_

_Save me._

†††

Tyki needed a damn cigarette. Or a box of it.

"Road! If we don't leave now we're going to be late!"

"Ehem!" came an outraged cough from upstairs.

Sheril sent him an imploring hiss, still not moving from his stance.

Take it back, Tyki needed a whole damn carton, even if it destroyed his lugs. "Your ride is ready, your Majesty."

A door opened and Tyki winced hearing Sheril's shrill screech. The everyday torture started all over again. As fast as he could, Sheril kept slamming his fingers on the surface of his phone to immortalize the scene. First, a pair of nicely polished black shoes came to view, then black and white striped socks and the brown thighs that wore them, which was later covered by the hem of a black, schoolgirl uniform until a proudly turned up head and a paper crown from Burger King came to sight. (Quite interesting choice of headwear when she had actual diamond indebbed tiaras.) All the while Sheril's screams did not falter and honestly, it seemed that it grew in volume.

Forget cigarettes, someone needed to set him on fire right now.

With an aura of smugness hanging around her like the finest of perfume, she strolled her way down the stairs as if some royalty, extending her hand for Tyki to take and escort her to one of their cars.

He opened the door for Road, waited for her to get in her "throne" (a fancy custom-made child seat you better called a throne if you valued your life), strapped her down and quickly went to sit in the front. Thankfully closing the door did muffle some of Sheril's obnoxious chanting of 'yas queen, yas'. It won't be long or hard now. Just take Road to school and then he could finally smoke in peace.

He opened the door to the driver's seat, plopping next to Wisely. He let out a long suffering sigh, checked the mirrors and finally started the engine. Seriously why was he even taking photos anymore the glasses were tinted. He didn't even want to know.

Tyki and Wisely fastened the seatbelt, then Tyki floored the gas pedal, intent to muffle Sheryl's screams as the car disappeared from his sight.

Tyki knew he was speeding but frankly, who gave a shit, he was a good driver and no cop would dare to stop or fine him and the Earl would deal with any ticket any automated system would send them.

Tyki stopped at the red light by a quite worn car, fingers impatiently drumming on the steering wheel, waiting for the light to change. Wisely attempted to nap some more during the ride while Road kicked her feet humming.

She paused, feeling her senses tingle. Someone was pissed. Sure, Tyki was mad at the traffic jam they were stuck in but this was an entirely different aura. Someone was oozing a violent lust for blood. It made her heart beat faster and sent pleasant shivers down her spine.

When she looked to her right, her heart stopped then leapt in joy.

"Tyki!" she all but yelled, bolting a snoozing Wisely awake, attracting the attention of her chauffeur. She shoved her manicured finger at a white haired boy sitting beside her, two doors apart. "Take that boy, I want him! I want to be his queen!"

Tyki was really glad Sheril didn't accompany them in the mornings.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Wisely asked groggily, rubbing sleep out of his eyes. "He looks ready to murder."

"I know! That's why I want him!"

Tyki paled. "Road, I can't kidnap a kid in broad daylight!"

Road shot him a glare. "_Tyki_."

After a moment of hesitation, Tyki all but jumped out of his car, rushed over to the neighbour car. The driver, a readhead man failed to see through the tears of laughter that his car was open or his kid was getting kidnapped - who strangely enough made no protests and looked at him with the eyes of a kid who saw Santa instead of a criminal. He muttered 'I'm sorry about this, boy,' as he disconnected the child seat from the regular one and dashed back to the limousine, fixing the seat beside Road's, shutting it, darting back into his seat and floor it through the yellow light changing into red. Despite no one honking at him or anything the like, Tyki gripped the wheel tightly and exchanged a nervous glance with Wisely with damp palms, inwardly pleading that this would not go down bad.

†††

Allen blinked owlishly, silver eyes glazing over the inside of the new vehicle that was a mix of leather and chrome. Two seats were ahead of him, the driver a curly haired man in his 20s, the other Wisely, a fellow white haired boy he saw at school sometimes but never got the chance to talk to. The two sat tight in their seats, eyes on the road but Allen could feel tension and pure, unadulterated fear rolling off of them. It confused Allen as they greatly contrasted the purple haired young girl sitting next to him - in a very fancy, ornate, like _holy shit was that actual gold? _child seat - , her face almost splitting in half with the elated grin she was wearing. It idly made him wonder if he was taken by serial killers, but at this point he hardly cared.

"How much is the Master owing you?" He asked, eyes jumping between the three.

His voice all but awakened the two in the front. The driver's eyes met his in the rear window. "What?"

"I asked how much the Master owed you. I mean, isn't that why you took me?"

The two males in the front looked uncomfortable. "Um, no. It's that I was ordered-" _more like threatened_ "-to um, fetch you. Why do you call him Master though? He's not touching you in private places, is he?"

From the way Tyki was gripping the tire, Wisely could tell that he just met and kidnapped this boy but he'd be ready to murder for him, undoubtedly charmed by the lingering sadistic and murderous vibes from the kid. He could hardly blame him for it though, they all had a thing for that darkness.

"No, he uses fleshlight and inflatable dolls for that," the boy deadpanned. "I call him Master because he is a teacher... of sorts."

Tyki turned his head back to shoot him an incredulous look but Wisely yelling he is about to run over someone made him look back to traffic. "Why does a boy your age know about stuff like this? What is this guy teaching you? Are you really ok, we can make that guy disappear for good you know."

Allen dismissed the tempting offer with a wave of his hand. "Nah, hee is a pain to deal with most of the time but finding another guardian would be a hassle. And I have to admit he has some very expedient life lessons."

"Such as?"

"Gambling." Road smirked at the glint in Tyki's eyes at the word. "Is that why you kidnapped me then?"

"I told him to do it," the girl beside him offered.

Eyes zeroing on her, Allen tilted his head to the side, a confused frown marring his face. "You're… Road Kamelot right? I saw you at school." _You're quite infamous of a troublemaker,_ he added mentally.

Her gaze lit up hearing that he recognised her. "Yup! I don't remember seeing you before though."

"I'm Allen Walker. Our classrooms must be in two different directions," he reasoned. "Why did you decide to pick me up then?"

"Well, to get to know you of course!" Road squeaked, rocking in her throne, her hand reaching out to hold Allen's gloved left. She felt Allen tense but didn't comment on it. "At the red light I looked over when I sensed a murderous aura and when I saw you I instantly fell in love!" The two in front choked on their spit while Allen raised an eyebrow. "All queens need a king by their sides." Wisely and Tyki held their dead silence with pale faces as Road wiggled her eyebrows.

Allen's own brows furrowed. "But I'm broke and in line to inherit mountains of" Seeing his pale face turn purple, Tyki was ready to park to the side illegally to avoid having to scrub vomit from the leather seats, but mercifully the boy swallowed then bitterly _spat_, "_debts_."

Road grabbed onto his left, squeezing. "Don't worry Allen, my daddy is _very_ rich and influential, nothing can stand in the way of our love."

Not for the first time Tyki and Wisely exchanged terrified glances, wondering what the hell they ended up in.

Arriving at their destination Tyki pulled over, parking diagonally in reverse. Letting out breaths of relief he and Wisely quickly moved to free the two of their special seats.

The doors opened and they were both hastily released but Road didn't let go of his gloved hand. "What's wrong Allen?"

Tyki and Wisely watched on, wide eyes jumping between Road's concerned gaze and Allen's ashamed gaze fixated on the hand holding his.

The boy licked his lips in a nervous gesture and looked up to meet Road's eyes. "Well, first off… I don't think we should date just yet."

Wisely and Tyki gulped down their inward screaming at the rejection and the sight of Road's face going blank. Oh boy, he was in trouble. No one said no to Road. _Ever_. Not without serious damage.

The two closed their eyes mournfully waiting for Road's unavoidable retribution as they listened to probably the final words of the boy they kidnapped 10 minutes prior.

_Just when I found a poker partner._

_Just when I ran into a fellow white haired guy._

"We barely know anything about each other, I don't think you should get so emotionally invested in me, it can end up in a heartbreak and I don't want to cause you pain."

The two held their breaths in fear, studying Road's lack of expression, tensing up when suddenly she let out a laugh… that wasn't at all malicious?

"What a considerate gentleman you are~! This also proves that my intuition is not wrong and you'll make a perfect king! I maybe not know _everything_ about you, but our first meeting is definitely a crystallisation of your murderous rage. And seeing how you didn't beg or run screaming and for you to genuinely care about the school bully's feelings, it really proves your worth and proves I have a chance. "

Warmth crept onto Allen's cheek from his chest, confidence budding in his small chest over the shy joy that neither Road or her family members minded his scar. But that hopeful feeling couldn't fully bloom until…

He pulled his hand away, right instinctively hovering over his left as a nervous defence mechanism. "O-one more thing… this scar might not bother you… but I have another deformity."

The three gave him inquisitive looks as he started rolling up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal his jagged and discoloured blood red skin and with a shaky exhale removed his glove to show the odd cross formation and blackened nails, ready to have these kind saviours run off in revulsion.

Instead, looking up he was met with stunned expressions that suggested curious surprise. He could only blink flabbergasted when the three leaned in with interest, jumping when Road took his uncovered hand into her, running her fingers through it to feel the texture.

"This. Is. So. COOL! The feel is so nice and the black nails are like dragon claws!"

"I-it doesn't disgust you?" Allen stammered. His heart leapt at the excited grins he was given.

"You're kidding? They're almost as cool as my eye tattooes!" Wisely laughed.

Road had pushed her own bangs up to reveal her forehead with strange cross markings. "At first, we all got _unrequired _opinions and remarks about our religious practices, but then I _kindly _put those people in their place," she chirped with a smile radiating malice and sadism. "So don't worry, A~llen, I'll take care of the nasty bullies for you. "

"Ah thanks, but in fact, I'm already in detention for that," Allen laughed nervously.

Road clapped her hands in delight, swooning as she learned more about her crush. "Perfect! Then I'll drop by and sit it out with you~. " Normally she wouldn't be put into detention for real. But a teacher not letting her in would be no problem. "Where should we go after then?"

Allen tilted his head to the side, pondering where they should go, when an idea flashed in his mind. His lips crept to a smile of sinister intentions.

"Well, you see, the Master probably wonders where have I and the seat had gone. I think it's fair you return _everything _with _interest_, right?"

His two new friends and potential girlfriend mimicked his expression.

†††

Probably through some divine intervention - because someone was definitely out there to make Allen's life miserable - Cross was waiting at the school entrance, eyes still red from laughter-crying he temporarily stifled into a smug smirk, eye scanning for Allen's sour expression. A wolvish grin spread across his face, seeing a familiar flash of white hair in the crowd, but it froze on his face seeing the face of students, who usually snickered on the side (smart enough to do it out of his reach, because he clocked the last person who did into unconsciousness - hence the detention and the dark pride swelling in Cross's chest); now were parting in a hurry as if Tiedoll's brat was walking through to make place for his kid and - eyes wide, he took his glasses off, rubbed the lenses in his expensive shirt and placed it right back on to squint at - a girl whose hand he held up as if he intended to kiss it. And not just any girl, it was the daughter of the effing Prime Minister who was also a well-known high profile mafia affiliate no one could touch. Allen almost instantly locked eyes with him with a smile that promised pain and humiliation.

Cross snapped his head to the side hearing the screech of tires, eyebrows shooting up at a very well known limousine drifting just by his car. The younger brother of the Prime Minister stepped out, shooting him a sneer then turned his attention to the couple as he opened the door of the car to reveal a very familiar pimped up gold-lined and potentially diamond embed child-seat.

"Your Majesty, Your Highness, your ride has arrived."

Cross blinked at the sight and looked up to the window of Komui's office who upon seeing the scene let out a victorious laugh and shut the blinds. Fucking sis-con.

Cross's gaze then returned to Allen. "You seriously banded together with the mafia just to teach me a lesson?"

Allen beamed a smile that screamed 'fuck you' in his way. "Yes."

"Goddamn. Well, played, brat." He fished out a cigarette and accepted the fire Tyki provided. He took a drag. "What am I supposed to get high on then?"

"Can't you just smoke crack like other sub-par guardians?"

"Don't be more of an idiot, than you already are, brat, I have more class than that." Another drag. "Guess it's back to slurping Romanée Conti out of beautiful women's belly buttons."

Cross jumped into his car, starting with a loud roar and despite the speed limit, sped off while flipping the bird through the sunroof, yelling 'don't set the fucking house on fire 'til I'm back!'.

Tyki shook his head with an amused smile. "Would you look at that. Someone's torn between begrudging respect and pride to be outwitted by his own kid."

He took half a step back noticing the wrath bubbling through Allen's strained smile. "_Proud_? That's not good enough! He needs to _suffer_!" He whipped his head to Road who had her breath caught in her throat, chest burning in awe. "Let's go Road! You may think bullying school kids is fun but that's because you never saw a fully grown man crying at your feet as you rip his dignity apart."

The girl gasped, cheeks darkening with flush as she uncharacteristically stammered at the 'romantic' proposal. "O-oh, Allen, you know how to set a girl's heart on fire!"

The two dashed into the limousine and fastened themselves in their thrones while Tyki started the engine and sped after Cross.

Standing by the entrance, Wisely shook his head with a fond smile while Lavi let out an impressed whistle at the mayhem he just witnessed.

"So full of energy."

"Maaan, Allen can sure be scary. Glad I wasn't the one to push him over the edge. You sure you're ok sitting that one out?"

Wisely shook his head. "Nah, I don't have the energy to keep up, I rather go home and take a well deserved nap."

Another black car, a renovated 1940 Ford Deluxe with tinted and no doubt bulletproof glasses pulled up and let out a brief honk.

Wisely and Lavi sat inside with a smile to meet the Earl greeting them likewise. "Welcome, Lavi. How was your day, children?"

Lavi giggled ashe fastened his belt. "Beansprout snapped."

"He is off with Road and Tyki to ruin his guardian," Wisely added.

The man chuckled, put his gear into 1 and wistfully sighed with a fond smile. "Ah, children."


End file.
